My journey

don't drop anchor at my shores
there is no safety amongst my footings,
for i am not truly anchored
i am adrift with the winds
carried to and fro with the tides
not an island, but a floating dock
waiting to eventually drift to serene shores,
where my home exists
a place where my heart and soul can take complete refuge
and take strong root
for eternal existence and peace

Wings to Fly

Why did I drag my feet so long ? Allowing life to steal from my spirit. I became comfortable and complacent. I thought I was routed with golden handcuffs, which now I realize were just metal shackles around my ankles... anchoring me in place... disabling my ability to move forward in my life, the ability to move anywhere.

Nothing changes until something moves. I finally gathered the strength not just to get up and go, but to move... to change my life, leave everything I was holding onto so tightly go and when I did, I realized I had wings and could fly. Just like the fairies I love... I have wings with which to fly, songs to sing... eyes to see beauty in life.

Fridays...

Edit.

I thought I had a lot to say, but then I edited it all away.
Per chance another day I will find the words to say.

A Charmed Life, am I actually normal?

Week 3 of my venture. I could not be more pleased. It is true, when everything falls apart - it can be a positive thing because it does force you to decide which pieces to pick back up and which are of no value. It empowers you. I wake each day looking forward to what that day may hold... interactions with people who have no preconceived notion of me - thus I can be true to myself and share my true nature.

"I" have returned to a state where I can just be myself... and celebrate that. I do not regret my decision to radically change the complexion of my life... I am wondering why I didn't do this sooner? It has empowered me.

I'm still a bit neurotic... but I no longer wake up planning on how I am going to cope until bedtime. The fog that has resided in my head for so long is starting to lift and I think I may actually feel normal. I am not quite sure how to act when feeling normal - as I can not remember when I felt this way before... it has been many long years.

I look around and realize that I may have finally reached the point where I can start living that charmed life that has been so elusive for me and then I become confused because I realize that I am experiencing feelings of pleasure, to the point of ecstatic.

Week 1. Finished. Life threw me curve balls this week - a week already full of intensity because of my new venture. Then Murphy decided to mess around with my life. Everything seemed to fall apart at once, and at the moment I thought all was lost- I received a message saying that when everything falls apart you are in the best position - because then you just pick up the necessary pieces and reassemble. The Universe has been sending me very clear signals lately - perhaps it always has but I was too distracted to see them... or perhaps you only see them when you are scared and looking for them. Either way, when you are scared and need guidance- it is great to get the little signals that say 'you are where you should be'. I have no idea why I jumped tracks and ventured totally outside of my normal realm, which would be a more passive mode of operation... but everything in my life pointed to "GO". I feel like I've been sent on a reconnaissance mission... traveling ahead to prepare for some thing. I've got the tools and am cutting down the brush and making a path... a path to the other side of the fog.

Labor Day Weekend is here, which signals the end of summer. It seems like just yesterday was the last day of school and the summer loomed ahead, brimming with promise and activity. If you told me on that day that I was not going to be where I am today - I would have thought you were nuts... but somehow, something shifted and here I am.

When meeting new people in life - often you run across that person that just cannot see the sunshine without mentioning that there are days when it will rain. It's the never ending optimist against the pessimist story. Is the glass half full or half empty? What do you do when you run into the person who doesn't even believe there is anything in the glass at all? Every interaction leaves you befuddled... no matter how you approach a conversation - your words are turned, twisted, spun into a question or in a manner which you didn't intend. The more you interact the deeper you fall and feed into their negativity. My only weapon and mechanism to cope at this point is to walk away and still remember to breathe.

New beginnings

This week is about new beginnings for me. Through a swift series of events I found myself on the verge of a major change within my life. I took a big leap of faith. Instead of feeling nervous or frightened by the change, instead I find that I have no real tangible feeling about it at all. Sometimes in life, you live day by day... I'm living moment by moment right now, just trying to remind myself to breathe. Time seems to slow and alternately go from one burst to another when you are out of your comfort zone.